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Demons

from Stones by Jonah Hirst

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about

I wrote this song in November of 2012 for a Trans Awareness Week Coffeehouse at Brandeis University. Songwriting is still, I think, the only way I know how to come out.

By the way, this is my voice almost 7 years on T. This song was previously recorded on my 2012 album Paper Skin.

lyrics

Today I opened up my heart
To catch the falling leaves
Today I opened up my mouth
To drink the changing scene, and
Today I opened up my eyes
And fell down on my knees
For like the autumn,
I find myself in transition

At once, I was all out of answers
So I laid to rest my pen
I asked why I must be a woman
And others must be men, and
I’ve never once believed in god,
But I needed her right then
So I could ask why I’ve been
Placed in this position

All of these demons, they are
Resting well within my bones
And I am trying to find a place to put them
All of these demons, they are
Resting well within my bones
And I am trying just to find a way to free them

This is a song I wrote for my mama and my papa
And all my friends back home
It’s a song I wrote for my two older brothers
When I called them on the phone, and I said
“I’m going by a new name now
That I picked out on my own
So don’t you worry about the
Boy who was your sister”

I wonder who is gonna love me
If I don’t fit the mold
I wonder if I’ll have regrets
Later on, when I am old, but
There’s one thing that I know for sure
I’ve always done just what I’m told
So I will try to leave this girl
And not to miss her

All of these demons are the
Seams that have sewn up my clothes
All of these demons scorn me
From within the labels
All of these demons are the
Seams that have sewn up my clothes
And I will free them just as long
As I am able

There is a demon underlying every
“She,” “herself,” and “hers”
Every “sister,” “daughter,” and “little girl”
Has cut me with its spurs
But along with this new life I live
I’m choosing my own words
For the language of these demons
Has always stung me with its curse
But for now, I’ve finally found a way to free them
Free them

credits

from Stones, released September 14, 2020

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Jonah Hirst Ithaca, New York

Jonah Hirst is a singer-songwriter and cat enthusiast living in Ithaca, NY.

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