My best friend Alana and I grew up in Orleans on Cape Cod, MA. I wrote this song during the winter while home from school in late 2013. While I have a profound fondness for my hometown today, it took a lot of work to arrive here. The gray gloominess, the wet salt air and smell of ocean, the endless trees and the endless dunes, the tangible light, they all became signifiers of the hardest parts of growing up. Meanwhile, my favorite person has always been tied to that place. Loving Alana and loving Cape Cod have all contained the inner work of accepting the fact of myself and the kinds of beauty that used to plague me.
lyrics
She is an unkempt sailor
She dances lightly on her feet
And combs her crimson locks
With codfish bones
She is tangibly solar
She wears a thousand sunspots on her cheeks
And shouts to the open sea
“I’m glad to be home”
So glad to be home
She tells tales of our childhood together
And is unafraid of everlasting gray weather
I am a bitter ex-lover
Of these swiftly eroding cliffs of sand
This sadness is like an illness
In my veins
Old friends retell old stories
And show me pictures of our past
And I turn my face away
To hide my shame
Hide my shame
These feelings are stones in my heart
These feelings are tearing me apart
I can’t bear another minute in this place
Lest I have to look my old self in the face
This penetrating light, this beauty so severe
I cannot spend another moment here
Here, here
I find all my old sketches
Their scent crawls underneath my skin
The course of all my passions looks so circular
Old friends don’t recognize me
I’m disconnected from myself
But this twisted, broken puzzle
Makes sense to her
It always made sense to her
These feelings are stones in my heart
What they call stones, she calls works of art
Works of art
Art
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