1. |
Stones
03:15
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She is an unkempt sailor
She dances lightly on her feet
And combs her crimson locks
With codfish bones
She is tangibly solar
She wears a thousand sunspots on her cheeks
And shouts to the open sea
“I’m glad to be home”
So glad to be home
She tells tales of our childhood together
And is unafraid of everlasting gray weather
I am a bitter ex-lover
Of these swiftly eroding cliffs of sand
This sadness is like an illness
In my veins
Old friends retell old stories
And show me pictures of our past
And I turn my face away
To hide my shame
Hide my shame
These feelings are stones in my heart
These feelings are tearing me apart
I can’t bear another minute in this place
Lest I have to look my old self in the face
This penetrating light, this beauty so severe
I cannot spend another moment here
Here, here
I find all my old sketches
Their scent crawls underneath my skin
The course of all my passions looks so circular
Old friends don’t recognize me
I’m disconnected from myself
But this twisted, broken puzzle
Makes sense to her
It always made sense to her
These feelings are stones in my heart
What they call stones, she calls works of art
Works of art
Art
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2. |
Poly Rhythms
05:32
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She sat by my right
At the party last night
With a glass of merlot
She looked mighty fine
With her arm in mine
Drinking her wine
And blushing like a rose
He came up to me
To fill the vacancy
On the couch to my left
He looked me straight in the eye
As we were touching thighs
And oh my how I
Could feel his hot breath
Hey handsome mister
You watched as I kissed her
Do you like what you see?
Hey pretty sister
Would you kiss two misters
On terms to which we’d all agree?
We could try loving in threes
There is no song on the radio that
Speaks to this love, ‘cause my
Heart only beats in poly rhythms
The more are the merry
So let’s quit this binary
There’s so much that love can do
With more than two
I’d be a liar if I
Said I didn’t get jealous sometimes
But love is not a
Quantity that’s finite like a
Nickel or a dime
My love grows in a
Garden among many other loves
My love is
Abundant as the autumn leaves and
Free to fly as uncaged doves
I’ll smile at your smile
No matter who made it
I love when you get what you need
We don’t need direction
A socialized suggestion
A normative projection
A recommendation
On sharing our love as we please
There is no song on the radio that
Speaks to this love, ‘cause my
Heart only beats in poly rhythms
The more are the merry
So let’s quit this binary
There’s so much that love can do
There’s so much that love can do
I could be your lover
I could be your friend, or
I could be your sweetie
We could have another
Lover if you wanted to
We could love as more than two
She and she and
She and he and
Me and she and
He and me and
He and he and
They and me and
They and we don’t
Belong to each other
And we dare to be happy with
More than one lover
There is no song on the radio that
Speaks to this love, ‘cause my
Heart only beats in poly rhythms
The more are the merry
So let’s quit this binary
There’s so much that love can do
There’s so much that love can do
With more than two
She sat next to me
And he kissed my cheek
And they took me home
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3. |
Single Size
04:26
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This world is much too large for
People like you, they tell me
The seams of all my clothes have all been
Measured for a different kind of man
And oh, I’ve been made to feel like
An inconsequential man
And oh, I’ve been made to feel like
An inconsequential man
Your voice will not be heard from a
Body like yours, they tell me
The strings inside your throat will never
Vibrate from a vessel such as yours
And oh, I’ve been deferential to the
Men I’ll never be
But oh, I grow ever larger by a
Light they cannot see
You’re so small, they tell me
But I’ll be seen if it kills me
I am tall like an oak tree
And all my branches extend into the sun
This world is much to small for
People like you, they tell him
But oh, my darling knows my heart is
Wide enough to hold all of his love
And oh, we are both survivors of a
Certain set of lies
But oh, we cross all the the limits that they
Place upon our size
Weightless like a feather
This love breaks chains and untethers
There is no storm I can’t weather
And he gives me the fearlessness to fly
I will be his big spoon
I don’t need to stretch just to make room
My body is broad as the full moon
And we fit like the stars fit in the sky
I’ll be there with you when we
Take on this world, I tell him
We are just like mountains, how we
Take up space and
We will not be moved
And oh, my sweetheart knows that
He and I both share a single size
But oh, you will never see it if you
Only use your eyes
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4. |
Her Choice
02:12
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Look at me now
A lot has happened since the 90s
And I am proud
To thank my mother for my life
I was too much
For my mother’s pregnant body
So they cut me out
With a surgical knife
Unlike all my siblings
I inherited my body from my mother
With it, I have carried all this
Blood and pain and shit, and I have
Learned to hold my trauma like the others
We shared a bottle of wine just to talk about it
She said, “I’m telling you something that you can’t ignore
Long ago, before I met your father
I’d been pregnant once before”
Every day that I walk
With my two feet on this earth
Traces back to that day
When it all was up to her
Who can say what other story might have been?
Is there ever a right answer
When the options are so thin?
All I can say is that I know I wouldn’t be here
If it wasn’t for her choice
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5. |
Demons
02:51
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Today I opened up my heart
To catch the falling leaves
Today I opened up my mouth
To drink the changing scene, and
Today I opened up my eyes
And fell down on my knees
For like the autumn,
I find myself in transition
At once, I was all out of answers
So I laid to rest my pen
I asked why I must be a woman
And others must be men, and
I’ve never once believed in god,
But I needed her right then
So I could ask why I’ve been
Placed in this position
All of these demons, they are
Resting well within my bones
And I am trying to find a place to put them
All of these demons, they are
Resting well within my bones
And I am trying just to find a way to free them
This is a song I wrote for my mama and my papa
And all my friends back home
It’s a song I wrote for my two older brothers
When I called them on the phone, and I said
“I’m going by a new name now
That I picked out on my own
So don’t you worry about the
Boy who was your sister”
I wonder who is gonna love me
If I don’t fit the mold
I wonder if I’ll have regrets
Later on, when I am old, but
There’s one thing that I know for sure
I’ve always done just what I’m told
So I will try to leave this girl
And not to miss her
All of these demons are the
Seams that have sewn up my clothes
All of these demons scorn me
From within the labels
All of these demons are the
Seams that have sewn up my clothes
And I will free them just as long
As I am able
There is a demon underlying every
“She,” “herself,” and “hers”
Every “sister,” “daughter,” and “little girl”
Has cut me with its spurs
But along with this new life I live
I’m choosing my own words
For the language of these demons
Has always stung me with its curse
But for now, I’ve finally found a way to free them
Free them
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Jonah Hirst Ithaca, New York
Jonah Hirst is a singer-songwriter and cat enthusiast living in Ithaca, NY.
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